School places: Overjoyed or overwhelmed?

Last night my phone was alight with whatsapp messages from numerous gaggles of my fellow september-intake mums awaiting news of the school place announcement.

Until the messages flooded in, it hadn’t occurred to me that it wasn’t just me being incessantly punched in the stomach yesterday every time I was reminded that we were now less than 24 hours away from finding out the result of one of the most significant decisions to affect Xav’s little life yet.

Even for those unaffected by this date that has loomed over us, today the news of the national announcement date for the allocation of school places for September seems to have dominated social media (alongside the other major announcement today…no comment on that here, though ;).

We fought hard to get Xav a place at a great school just outside of our catchment area. We did everything we could, involving our health visitor and Paediatrician and enlisting their support to help us show the powers that be we felt it would offer an environment in which he could thrive.

My personal choice was to largely ignore the Ofsted reports and focus on finding out whether my boy would be happy, safe and treated as an individual – things that it seems (and this is purely my opinion) aren’t given the limelight they merit within any report I’ve read. I get why this is and I understand the system, but I’ve found myself wishing many times throughout this process that we lived in Finland.  I feel very strongly that our children should be under significantly less pressure than our curriculum burdens them with, and that there exists a direct correlation between the state of the mental health and overall wellbeing of our children and young people and our education system. A discussion for another time, perhaps.

After we’d applied in January I tried to let the school place announcement drift to the back of my mind, knowing we’d done everything in our control. In spite of my better judgment I’ve found myself over these months regularly fighting against a primal voice within my soul that is un-silenceable and screams to me that I should be deeply uncomfortable with the pace at which this is all happening.

My rational brain has been thinking about the gift of time that will be mine when for 30 whole hours each week, Xav is at school and I can devote those hours to Mumbelievable and its mission.

And so, back and forth has been this game of emotional tennis.

I had played out this morning’s scene many times. If we got the place we wanted, and if we didn’t. I’d thought I’d prepared for every eventuality. HA!!! Motherhood strikes again.

What I envisaged would happen was that if that hotly-awaited email gave us the news we’d been hoping for, a weight would lift and I’d feel light with heady relief.

So I was caught completely off-guard when I read those words and a feeling of desperate sadness engulfed me.

I’m excited for Xav as he moves into this next phase of his life. Actually, I’m excited for me too – all of us, in fact. I’ve got no interest in prioritising my emotions over his development and would never allow my discomfort to cloud my judgment over what’s right for him.

What I understand with clarity now I am one of those mums who feels deeply torn over this day is that it’s ok to be confused. It’s not just me who is bemused by how sad I feel and what a weird day it has been as I have looked at my child and wondered how the hell we have screamed through his life and arrived at this point ALREADY.

Whatever I’m feeling, it’s ok. Because we know that we will always and without exception do what is right for our boy. If it doesn’t work out, fine. We’ll change it. Together.

Have you received news of your child’s school place today? Did you get what you wanted? How do you feel about it?