Do you ever look at other women and wonder how they do it?

Me too. All the time.

I know I shouldn’t, but I do. I know it’s harmful and futile, but sometimes that vulnerability just creeps in, you know?

I’ll give you an example. There’s a well-known parent blogger whose work I really respect. She’s making serious change happen and I’m a massive fan. Our focus is similar, but we’re not doing the same thing.

On the face of it, she’s doing really well. Fast-growing following, amazing engagement and tonnes of opportunities coming her way (which she’s made happen and thoroughly deserves, of course).

I’m so pleased that she’s becoming so successful, but I can’t help but compare myself and my work to her.

She’s hilarious. She’s beautiful. She’s strong, confident and a phenomenal woman and mother. She’s a rock star.

Looking at her makes we question whether I’ve got what it takes to do this. Can I really make Mumbelievable a movement that not only lasts but creates good change in the world? What if I’m not good enough?

This brilliant woman is also courageously honest. Recently she published what she’s earned so far since she started her blog, and it was well below what you’d have expected. Barely enough to live on.

It made me love her even more. She’s breaking down perceptions and showing in a very powerful way that the pixels don’t tell the truth. They’re fake news.

We all know that social media is poison to our sense of self if you take it at face value. Our online and print media consumption, interest in celebrity culture and trust in what we see as being the truth is affecting us more than we know.

That life, the life we’re shown does not exist. It can’t; it’s a highlights reel. Minus the bloopers. We all know this, and yet still we hold ourselves to this unattainable ideal of what we should be striving for as women and as mothers.

We’re basing our goals on something that DOES NOT EXIST.

We pressurise ourselves to achieve this perfect, stress-free lifestyle that is based on lies. Which means we’re doomed to a life of never being able to live up to our own standards.

It’s time to stop allowing external sources define what our ideal is, to take back control and define it for ourselves – based on what is truly important to us.

There are loads of simple ways to do this, and we can start by looking at the external sources (social media, TV and gossip columns, advertising, friends, colleagues, etc ) that are contributing to your sense of self. If you’re feeling like you’re not quite as happy as you’d like to be, I’ll bet my life that these kinds of things are affecting you in some way and you may not even know it.

These issues affect us all, and it’s time to make it stop.

We go into much more detail about this stuff in the first module of our brand new online programme, Return to Work with Confidence. If you’re a working mum or you’re thinking about going back, this programme will transform the way you feel about yourself in every area of your life.

Check it out here: http://www.mumbelievable.com/online-programme

This week I’m over the moon to interview the brilliant Amy Bradshaw, founder of Grateful Mother and all-round inspirational human. Amy and I connected on the Mumbelievable Facebook page and I’m a huge fan of her work – particularly her passions for introducing children to the concepts of mindfulness and for finding ways to help us all be more present and appreciative of our days . Her daily posts in the Grateful Mother Facebook group have helped me by reminding me to be more present in my life, which isn’t always easy to do, I find. There’s some serious wisdom here. Enjoy! X

I’m Amy, a mum of three, wife and teacher.  I have three amazing children who remind me daily why life is so wonderfully amazing, unpredictable and chaotic!  I’ve been a primary school teacher for 15 years and more recently I qualified as a mindfulness for children teacher and deliver sessions to children in my own school and other local schools to aid wellbeing, resilience and positive mental health. 

I’ve suffered with chronic back pain for the last 14 years after a spinal fusion.  Mindfulness has been a game changer for me both personally and professionally, allowing me to manage my pain better, deal with the emotional baggage a chronic condition brings and change the relationship I have with the pain.  I’ve also used it with my own children at home to help with sleep issues, and managing their BIG emotions.  As a parent, mindfulness has given me space to feel the myriad of emotions we feel on a daily basis; from pure joy and unadulterated bliss to utter frustration and exhaustion, and everything in between, while not allowing them to take over and impact my actions.  This has taken a long time and I still have moments where I don’t handle things so well, but mindfulness isn’t about not feeling, rather the opposite in fact; feeling and acknowledging what’s there, but having the space to notice it and choose how to respond.  My dream is to bring mindfulness to as many parents, families and children as possible, to support them in this crazy thing we call life!   

Who are you? What makes you, you?

I’m a mum, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend.  I’m also a teacher.  What makes me me is my sensitivity.  It’s a blessing and a curse in many ways; it gives me and openness and and honesty that makes me real.  It allows me to connect and form deep and lasting bonds with people.  I have come to see it as a strength as I am not afraid to show my feelings and to allow others to share theirs with me, though I didn’t always feel that way.  On the flip side, sometimes I lose perspective when I become overwhelmed by my emotions.   Like everything, its all about balance I guess!

If someone else was to sum you up in five words, what do you think those words would be?

Caring, kind, honest, humble and passionate.

Who are the three most important people in your life, and why?

I’m going to cheat on this one!  Annabel, Charlie and Stanley, my three amazing smallest smalls.  I sometimes look at them and can not believe I made these amazing beings; a little bit of me, a little bit of Mark and a whole lot that just them in all their unique and bonkers glory!  They remind me of what’s important, love me unconditionally even when I don’t like myself, make smiles and laughter a big part of my day and never fail to amaze me.  They are what make me feel alive, give me purpose and drive me.  But I wouldn’t have my 3 without my husband Mark, so I’m cheating and saying Mark too!  He always believes in me, even when I doubt myself, keeps me grounded.  We are a team in every sense of the word and I feel so lucky to have a husband who is so present in raising our children.  We share everything 50/50 – childcare, housework, work commitments.  We balance each other, know our faults but also know our strengths and work to them.

What are the three most important things in your life and why?

Mindfulness – it gives me the space and perspective to just be, to go towards difficulties and explore how I feel.  It helps me focus on the present moment and to enjoy what is here and now in this moment, not to be preoccupied with anxieties and worries.

Music and singing – I didn’t realise until recently how good singing makes me feel!  I love the way music can uplift, envoke memories of times gone and bring people together.  I try to sing every day (easy in school where we sing a lot!) usually to the annoyance of the smallest smalls!

Friends – my friends have always been central to my life.  Never having had a sister, my closest friends are my sisters.  I feel empowered and uplifted when spending time with good friends and get a lot out of being a friend.

What does confidence mean to you?

Confidence to me is about feeling happy with who you are, seeing your strengths and shining, but also recognising your faults as part of the fabric of you.  Confidence is about being able to empower and uplift those around you.  Its about loving what you do and that showing through your actions and words.  Confidence is believing in yourself.  Its been a long and rocky road for me to find my confidence but I feel like I am there…almost!

How do you feel about yourself now compared to before you became a mum?

The unconditional love you give and receive being a mum has changed me deeply.  I always lacked confidence in myself in pretty much every avenue of my life – friend, teacher, daughter, wife, and on my journey through motherhood I have had moments where my confidence in my ability as a mum has been rocked to its foundations.  But alongside those moments, I have found a serenity in knowing no matter how rubbish I feel, 3 little people love me with all their heart and soul.  I have found an inner calm that is no longer searching for validation from external sources, but has found all I need in the 3 smalls who call me Mummy.

What advice would you give to someone who doubts herself?

I would say, you’ve got this!  Be a little kinder to yourself, you are doing a great job.  Take time for yourself to give you space to recharge and re-evaluate, to find the space to focus on the positives.  I’m a firm believer in gratitude for all the little things in life; a little hand holding yours; the rare moments of total and absolute quiet when no one is around; drinking a cup of tea while its still mildly warm!  By bringing gratitude to the fore, we can refocus our perspective on life and begin to notice all that we are, all that we have and all that we can be grateful for, rather than focusing on not being, having or doing enough.

What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned in your life so far?

Ooh, tricky one!  I think the most important thing I’ve learned it that I’m enough.  I don’t need to judge myself against the unrealistic expectations I set for myself, or compare myself to anyone else.  We are all dealing with our own challenges and difficulties and by being a little kinder to ourselves and others we can make life a little easier for ourselves.

And finally, where is your happy place?

My happy place is on Brighton Beach, the sun on my face, listening to live music playing in one of the bars that is far too cool for me to be seen in, with the kids dancing around, ice cream running down their faces and big smiles on our faces.

You can join Grateful Mother on Facebook @gratefulmother and on Instagram @grateful_mother. 

Last night my phone was alight with whatsapp messages from numerous gaggles of my fellow september-intake mums awaiting news of the school place announcement.

Until the messages flooded in, it hadn’t occurred to me that it wasn’t just me being incessantly punched in the stomach yesterday every time I was reminded that we were now less than 24 hours away from finding out the result of one of the most significant decisions to affect Xav’s little life yet.

Even for those unaffected by this date that has loomed over us, today the news of the national announcement date for the allocation of school places for September seems to have dominated social media (alongside the other major announcement today…no comment on that here, though ;).

We fought hard to get Xav a place at a great school just outside of our catchment area. We did everything we could, involving our health visitor and Paediatrician and enlisting their support to help us show the powers that be we felt it would offer an environment in which he could thrive.

My personal choice was to largely ignore the Ofsted reports and focus on finding out whether my boy would be happy, safe and treated as an individual – things that it seems (and this is purely my opinion) aren’t given the limelight they merit within any report I’ve read. I get why this is and I understand the system, but I’ve found myself wishing many times throughout this process that we lived in Finland.  I feel very strongly that our children should be under significantly less pressure than our curriculum burdens them with, and that there exists a direct correlation between the state of the mental health and overall wellbeing of our children and young people and our education system. A discussion for another time, perhaps.

After we’d applied in January I tried to let the school place announcement drift to the back of my mind, knowing we’d done everything in our control. In spite of my better judgment I’ve found myself over these months regularly fighting against a primal voice within my soul that is un-silenceable and screams to me that I should be deeply uncomfortable with the pace at which this is all happening.

My rational brain has been thinking about the gift of time that will be mine when for 30 whole hours each week, Xav is at school and I can devote those hours to Mumbelievable and its mission.

And so, back and forth has been this game of emotional tennis.

I had played out this morning’s scene many times. If we got the place we wanted, and if we didn’t. I’d thought I’d prepared for every eventuality. HA!!! Motherhood strikes again.

What I envisaged would happen was that if that hotly-awaited email gave us the news we’d been hoping for, a weight would lift and I’d feel light with heady relief.

So I was caught completely off-guard when I read those words and a feeling of desperate sadness engulfed me.

I’m excited for Xav as he moves into this next phase of his life. Actually, I’m excited for me too – all of us, in fact. I’ve got no interest in prioritising my emotions over his development and would never allow my discomfort to cloud my judgment over what’s right for him.

What I understand with clarity now I am one of those mums who feels deeply torn over this day is that it’s ok to be confused. It’s not just me who is bemused by how sad I feel and what a weird day it has been as I have looked at my child and wondered how the hell we have screamed through his life and arrived at this point ALREADY.

Whatever I’m feeling, it’s ok. Because we know that we will always and without exception do what is right for our boy. If it doesn’t work out, fine. We’ll change it. Together.

Have you received news of your child’s school place today? Did you get what you wanted? How do you feel about it?

This Mumbelievables interview is possibly my favourite yet. Not to take anything whatsoever away from the incredible women who have featured so far, but this one I guess is particularly close to my heart and carries such important messages around mental health and learning to build a healthy relationship with ourselves so we can take care of us.

That’s why I’m so thrilled to introduce the gorgeous, courageous and incredibly inspirational Amy Stevens who blogs at Amy’s Boarderline World. She’s a self-confessed yoga-obsessed mummy who suffers with mental health issues including Borderline personality disorder, anorexia and depression. She says she blogs in the hope she can help and inspire others, which she does in abundance. If you haven’t come across Amy’s writing before, go check her out. Her honesty, bravery and insight run through every piece she publishes, and the work she is doing to open up a dialogue around mental health is something this world needs more of. Enjoy her interview!

Who are you? What makes you, you?

I am a mummy, wife and woman fighting a daily battle with my mental health issues. I suffer with BPD, depressions, anorexia and anxiety. I have experienced what people call rock bottom and almost succeeded at taking my own life. My last attempt 13 months ago changed my life forever. I fight everyday for me, my son and my family but also for all those out there who are also struggling.

If someone else was to sum you up in five words, what do you think those words would be?

As much as I find this sooooo uncomfortable I have asked friends and they have said; Inspirational, brave, kind, caring and great mum.

Who are the three most important people in your life, and why?

The two most important people in my life are my son and my husband. They are what I live for and no matter how bad I feel, they always seem to make things better again. And third – I cannot believe I am saying this but – ME! After hating myself and feeling completely worthless for so many years I am now able to see that I am important. Not only as a mummy and wife but to my family, friends and to all the people out there who read my blog

What are the most important things in your life and why?

My health. After the years of anorexia and suicide attempts I have done some serious damage to my health, physically and mentally. Although I am not ‘better’ I am working very hard on my recovery everyday. The healthier I am the better mummy I can be and the more I enjoy time with my son.

My blog is also important; it’s a therapy for me. It’s cathartic and helps me in times of difficulty. I also love that it helps others who are or have been in similar situations.

What does confidence mean to you?

Confidence for me is something that I have never truly had. I faked it really well but never really felt it. I still don’t really now. Confidence to me means receiving a point of acceptance. Learning to love yourself, inside and out. Trying not to let others opinion effect you. Doing what feels right, having faith in yourself.

How do you feel about yourself now compared to before you became a mum?

I have come on quite a journey over the past few years and the main differences are trying not to worry what other people think of me. I feel stressed still but I am much calmer when it comes to my son. I trust my own judgment a lot more and I am learning to love myself! I am an absolute perfectionist but I have learnt not to sweat the small stuff so much anymore. Who cares if I haven’t hoovered this week. Who cares if the bloody cushions haven’t been plumped! If my son is happy that’s all that matters!

What advice would you give to someone who doubts herself?

DON’T! Please just don’t! I’ve wasted so many years of my life doubting and not trusting myself. In the last year I took the plunge and 100% trusted myself about on a major life decision. Do you know what? I was right and it was the best decision I ever made! It felt so empowering. I had never done it before. I was also so terrified to be wrong or be ridiculed. If you are someone that always doubts herself then please start to trust yourself. Even if it’s something small. Confide in someone you trust first if it helps, then go for it!

What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned in your life so far?

Oh this is such a tough one as I have learnt so much, especially these past few years. I guess what stands out for me is trusting myself, not worrying what others think of me and believing I deserve to be happy. I am allowed to make mistakes. I am allowed to put myself first. I am allowed to give my opinions. It’s all a work in progress but I am definitely feeling I am giving it a good go!

And finally, where is your happy place?

My happy place is where ever I can be with my son and husband. It doesn’t matter where. We can be on holiday, at the local park or out for lunch. Just being together just the three of us is true happiness to me.

You can read more of Amy’s brilliant perspectives on her blog www.amysboarderlineworld.com.

It’s an absolute privilege to feature this week’s Mumbelievables guest. I’m a huge fan of the work she and her brilliant partner, Sarah Hesz are doing to tackle the epidemic of loneliness among mums, and this interview is packed with utter gems and inspiration. These girls are a force!

Katie Massie-Taylor, 33, is founder of Mush, the free app to connect mums with other local mums with kids the same age and similar interests. Previously a derivatives broker in the City, Katie met another mum in the playground during a particularly long, dreary and lonely day with two little babies, and this changed the course of her life…

Who are you? What makes you, you?

I am a mum (aren’t we all!) and a woman who along with my friend Sarah, recognised a huge gap in the market for a way to meet other mums locally, with kids the same age and similar interests. I am defined by my sense of achievement. Whether that’s successfully bathing and dressing toddlers without meltdowns, or creating an app that helps other mums, I am constantly asking if I have done enough.

If someone else was to sum you up in five words, what do you think those words would be?

I am tenacious, headstrong, honest, enthusiastic have a point to prove, I think that’s what friends who know me would say about me. My parents would say demanding and childish, my children would say cuddly and a good painter.

Who are the three most important people in your life, and why?

My most important people. Only three? Ok. My husband, who I met age 13 as my brother’s best friend and started the longest campaign to become ‘his girlfriend’ (I told you I was tenacious) who has been an anchor when I was in danger of trying to follow thousands of different paths all at once. My daughters Tilly & Lyla; they are a whirlwind of laughter, arguments, unpredictability and keep me on my toes. There is nothing that gives you such a good sense of perspective as small children.

What are the three most important things in your life and why?

My house. I didn’t have one until last year and now have a tiny house which I am so immensely proud of, and constantly trying to upgrade with cheap and cheerful colourful tidbits.

My trainers. It’s a massive treat these days to get out on the streets and run to the latest playlists at full volume. I feel liberated, endorphins flowing, and it’s totally free to do! And then I walk back into a house of chaos…

Amazon Prime. As a mum with a business, often things are last minute. From presents to arts and crafts, to bike locks to shelves, not much is bought elsewhere these days, given I can often get (whatever it is!) delivered by 9pm the same day!

What does confidence mean to you?

For me, confidence means you can describe loudly and proudly how you spend your day. I had a self identity crisis after becoming a mum. Presumably the huge transition it was and the hormones free-flowing was the cause; but I thought my day wasn’t interesting enough at the time. In fact, it was incredibly interesting, I just wasn’t focusing on the good bits. Being confident means drawing out small parts of your existence and feeling grateful for them, whatever they may be.

How do you feel about yourself now compared to before you became a mum?

I have a perspective that I never had before about what matters. Before, it was about holidays or career or belongings, now I naturally put my kids and family first. What do they care about? Warmth, love, attention, biscuits. I mean, that’s the stuff that counts., The rest is like water off a duck’s back.

What advice would you give to someone who doubts herself?

Self doubt; what a mean part of human nature. I would tell her to focus on her strengths and what she loves. It could be small things, just draw out the small things that make her feel good and then make more time for them in her day, and see where it leads. If nothing else, she will be happy doing stuff she loves! Let self doubt be a fleeting emotion, not something that defines you.

What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned in your life so far?

That you can have a second (and third and fourth!) chance at your life’s mission. I thought my path was set in stone, in a job I disliked but got paid well for. Then I had kids, my perspective and priorities changed and I realised I could start again from scratch. The only thing stopping me was the confidence and self belief to do it.

And finally, where is your happy place?

Ah, on the water. On a ferry in the South West of the UK, going somewhere in the blustery fresh air. With kids, and my husband.

You can download the mush app for free or visit www.letsmush.com for more info. Follow Mush on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram!