At a toddler group this morning I was chatting to one of my gorgeous mama friends.

She’s got a toddler and a six-month old. Let’s not sugar-coat it…every time I see her she looks exactly like she feels. (She won’t mind me saying that. It’s not a pretty sight.)

She’s just gone back to work. She feels like she can’t keep up with the house and she feels like she’s doing a half-job in every aspect of her life at the moment.

To me, it’s the opposite.

She’s marvellous. She’s a bloody real-life superhero. I’ve told her I think she should wear her pants outside her snot-stained jeans.

She was upset this morning because she’s found herself snapping at her lovely husband, and losing her rag too quickly with the children.

My suggestion? She needs to somehow carve a little time for some exercise.

As you might imagine, she laughed out loud in my face.

She eats the kids’ food and goes for three hours needing a wee because she can’t seem to find time to eat or go to the loo. (We’ve all been there though, right?!)

So even her most basic needs are lower on her priority list than the mounting pile of washing up.

I’ve spoken to countless mummies – with children of all ages – who have a similar story.

We go to the bottom of the list, below the family, the house, work and the many other hats we wear.

We neglect ourselves, because it’s easier to have one less thing to think about.

But when we are neglected, bad things happen.

We unwittingly become more stressed, unhappy, unhealthy and eventually even resentful.

This does not make for a great mama, partner, daughter, sister and friend.

If you can find it within yourself to believe that if you make the decision to put yourself first and do something for just you, even for a few minutes a day, and fit a little exercise in – wondrous things might just start to happen.

The children will benefit from a mama who’s calmer, more patient, has more energy to play. Your partner will welcome his happier, more confident and sexy girl back.

The house? Well….screw the house. You’ll never, ever this time back so I reckon it won’t hurt to leave the dusting for another few minutes so you can give more of yourself to your family.

Go, girl.

Since we had children.

Before I had Xav (BX, if you will) I was in the gym 4-5 times a week. Before work, after work, lunchtimes, weekends…it fitted comfortably around my job as a PR Manager.

I didn’t see it as a luxury. I saw it as something I did to keep myself fit and healthy – and do the right thing for my body.

Naively I thought it wouldn’t be that hard to get back into an exercise routine once he’d arrived.

Ha! Right. If I could, I would literally go back in time and laugh in my own idiotic pre-baby, less wrinkly face.

What I hadn’t counted on was the introduction of The Mummy Guilt into my life.

Mummy Guilt took over everything – the second after he came into this world.

How could I plan time to fit exercise in (which all of a sudden felt like the most selfish thing in the world) when he would inevitably need something and there were a squillion jobs to do?

It took me almost two years of trying and failing miserably to stick to a regular and meaningful routine to realise that I had to banish The Mummy Guilt.

It serves no-one and had eroded my confidence and sense of self.

I used to have so much energy. Granted, in my BX life I had about seventy times the amount of sleep I have now so that’s got a lot to answer for, but I craved the energy I used to have when I was much fitter.

I’m not overweight, but I’m a little heavier now than BX. I had never got round to losing those final few lbs.

Less energy and a serious lack of body confidence made me more stressed about many things.

It dawned on me that my family would actually be better off if I made time to – as I saw it at the time – be selfish and take time out to exercise.

Duh.

More energy, confidence and an improved capacity to cope with stress would make me a better mum and wife.

It’s time to banish The Mummy Guilt, girls.

We put our babies, families and all our other responsibilities first. But we matter too.

Putting ourselves first is easier said than done, but making that decision was a huge turning point for me and I’d highly recommend it.

I’m a work in progress.

Some weeks I fit more exercise in than others.

But since I made the link that it’s better for everyone and not just for me if I take time to invest in myself, it’s much easier.

I really want to get into the specifics of how we can fit fitness into any day, no matter how busy, but I’ve already rambled on enough for one post so I’ll cover that another time.

See you soon girls.

If you’re a regular gym-goer, workout DVD Queen or runner, you’ll know how different you feel if you go a few days without the burn.

Maybe (like me) before you had kids, fitness was a big part of your life and you’ve struggled to get it onto your mountainous to-do list since becoming mummy.

If this sounds like you, I’d eat my gym kit if you said you didn’t miss the feeling of being fit.

You might’ve never really been interested in exercise, or never got round to starting a regime…which may seem ever more improbable now the sprogs are running around.

Whatever your fitness/lack of it past and however fit/desperately unfit you might feel, introducing some regular fitness into your crazy and beautiful mummy life would give you some things every single mummy I’ve ever met would love.

We all need more energy, right?

We all wish we were more patient.

We all wish we felt able to do more than slump in a pathetic heap and vegetate the minute after we’ve put the babies to bed.

Exercise – even a small amount – can give you all of this and much more.

We’ve all heard it said a squillion times, I know. But if there’s one thing that has the potential to transform your days and weeks, it’s a bit of regular fitness.

I’m not suggesting you need to work out for a whole hour every day. If you did, the benefits you’d see would be enormous. But let’s face it…for loads of us that just ain’t gonna happen.

The truth is that even if all you’re able to commit is 10 or 20 minutes a day, you’re onto a winner.

If you make the most of the time you have – no matter how little time that is – by challenging yourself physically and pushing yourself to keep going at a really high intensity for just another few seconds each day, you’ll soon start to notice a pretty huge difference.

And then the ripple effect will start.

You’ll start to wake up earlier. (Or, you might still wake up at the same ungodly time that your antisocial darlings dictate, but you might not feel as sick and your eyes might not feel as glued shut.)

You’ll start to feel less sluggish as you put the toys away for the thirty-fifth time.

You’ll notice you’ve got more energy to make the most of what’s left of the evening when you pick the kids up after you’ve finished work.

More importantly though, because you’ll feel all these things, you’ll have a longer rope when one of your little ones decides they want to pursue a career in hairdressing and their sibling is their first client, when the sofas have been oh-so-thoughtfully artistically enhanced or when a lump of play-dough has been wedged into a plug socket.

I’m not saying you won’t still immediately reach for a huge glass of vino the second they pass out at the end of the day, but at least you’ll have the energy to pour a second glass.

That’s gotta be worth getting fit for, right?

So many column inches are devoted to ‘helping mums get their bodies back’ after having a baby.

But so many of these ‘helpful’ information campaigns and product offerings actually seem to be missing the point.

When I became a mum, I thought – because I’d been conditioned that way – that I should be aiming to get back to my pre-pregnancy self.

It took me around a year I reckon. A year of finding it far tougher than I’d ever imagined to find any time to focus on myself. (A beautiful preemie had come along and suddenly my time had become one great big vacuum.)

Over the course of that year, the penny slowly dropped. (I know – I never have been the quickest off the mark.)

It wasn’t about getting back to my old self.

I was different.

My body was changed forever.

And actually…..why did I actually think I needed or even wanted to get my old body back?

I wanted to feel fitter again, get my energy back and regain some lost confidence, sure.

But I could do all of this with a new-found respect for my post-baby body.

You don’t need to feel any of this insane pressure to get your old body back. And here are five reasons why.

1. You’ve got a new body now, and it’s totally, unbelievably amazing. Some lucky b!£^hes find their bodies regain a pretty much normal shape within a few months after having a baby. For others, even years later their clothes just don’t seem to fit right, even if they’re wearing the same size as they were pre-baby. Whichever camp you fall into, your body has created A HUMAN. You are a powerhouse. Your body has created magic. And if you can find it within yourself to see yourself as more than a set of numbers on a scale and in a pair of jeans, you’ll start to feel more beautiful. Be proud.
2. Your life priorities are radically different. Chances are you’ve had to adjust your expectations of how much time you’ll be able to devote to fitness. Even if you’re able to find some time already for fitness, if you’re still looking at this through your pre-baby eyes it won’t feel like enough as it’s probably less time than you’re used to. By accepting that your life has changed now and is much richer and filled with your family priorities, you’ll begin to forgive yourself if you can’t get to the gym five times a week.
3. That’s not to say that ‘me time’ isn’t a priority. Of course it is. That’s the whole point of this website. It’s about making practical adjustments and placing realistic expectations on yourself, and being kinder to yourself in the process if you haven’t achieved your body goals yet.
4. Life as a parent will forever be unpredictable. So if you’ve had to sack off going for a run because one of the kids is sick or you sink three glasses of wine because your day was just that tough, ease up on yourself. We’re the masters of curve balls. Give yourself a break when things don’t happen as you’ve planned. Accept that you won’t always be in control, and be kinder to yourself when this happens. Work hard on your wellbeing when you can, and you’ll see results.
5. Your ‘normal’ will change over time. When you first have a baby, their needs are so intense and the sleep deprivation is so overwhelming it’s unlikely you’ll feel like doing anything other than sleeping the moment you get the faintest whiff of some down time. If you’re a fairly new mum, it feels at times like it will never end. But it does get easier, and gradually things settle into a new kind of normal. And you adapt to find a routine that works each time a new change happens. (Every five friggin’ minutes it seems!) The most important thing is to make sure each time you have to switch up your routine, you prioritise some ‘you time’.

It’s not about getting your old body back.

You’re not the old you.

You’re a new, improved, beautiful, human-making powerhouse.

Embrace who you are now, and know that you can be proud of your body.

Use that strength to improve your health and fitness so you have more energy, stamina and patience.

Work out and eat right so you’ll get ill less often and be more productive so you can spend more time with your family. Work out and eat right so you’ll feel more confident and gorgeous as your body responds.

You don’t need your old body any more.

Your new body is perfect.

Whether you had children this year or 30 years ago, I’m pretty sure you’ll want the same thing as I (and practically every Mama I know) want.

We want to feel good about ourselves. We want to feel more confident and strong.

I was getting out of the shower this morning when my two year old came bounding in.

With THE biggest grin on his gorgeous little face he shouted with pure joy “MUMMY!!!!!” as soon as he laid eyes on me.

Wobbly bits jiggling about while I dried myself, hair dripping wet and not a scrap of make up on my tired, wrinkly and in-desperate-need-of-sun face.

He was literally bursting with excitement to see me.

He didn’t seem to care that my tummy should be a bit flatter, or that my arms could do with a bit more tone. He didn’t seem to notice that the tops of my thighs are just that bit too big.

Isn’t it time we looked at ourselves through their eyes, girls?

What we represent to them is so much more than our body.

We are love, safety, fun, excitement, knowledge and nourishment.

All those things are beautiful.

We are beautiful.

And our kids think so.

I’m going to try and see myself through his eyes. They have a better perspective than mine.

And he’s only two.

My god, I’m screwed.