They say hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Becoming a mother has given my life a beautiful purpose. It has brought me more joy and gratitude than I could ever have imagined I’d experience. My son is my life’s single greatest triumph.

He is also the single biggest challenge I’ve ever faced, and I’ve found that’s not an easy thing to admit.

What I’m trying to do with this blog is to help and encourage mums to summon the strength to put themselves first so they can feel better, fitter and stronger. And I believe that a huge part of that is to bring to the surface all the things that all or most of us think and feel but find it hard to say for fear of being judged.

What I’ve realised though is that when I’ve found a way to say those unsaid things about what it means to be a mum, it doesn’t lead to judgment. All it leads to is loads of understanding and knowing nods from other mums who’ve been there and done that.

So why are we so afraid of being judged when we’re all in the same boat, doing the best we can?

I’m now two years in to this mummy lark, and the impact all this has had on my sense of self is only just dawning on me.

When I look back now, it’s bleeding obvious.

From what I’ve learned talking to lots of mamas, the erosion of our confidence is a common thread that ties us all together.

We’ve had to shift from having a decent degree of control over various areas of our lives…to being controlled by the needs of our precious little people.

We’ve had to shift from being competent working girls who knew what we were doing…to winging it all the time because there’s no training for parenting – and feeling like we get it wrong A LOT because we don’t get parenting appraisals.

We’ve had to shift from sleeping as much as we needed…to meeting the 24/7 demands of our dependent children.

And we’ve had to shift from basking in the glory of time that was ours to do with what we pleased…to dedicating all our time to meeting our babies’ needs.

Before I had my son, I had no idea that this happened to mums. Not a single one of my friends who had babies before I did had given me the slightest inkling that they were feeling this way. I was clueless.

It took me a long time to recognise that the reason I feel so overwhelmed by things I consider to be mundane was because somehow, when my baby left my body, so did a lot of the self-esteem, confidence and worthiness I’d worked damn hard to build.

And that’s why I’ve found it so tough to do many things since. I used to love working out five or six times a week and feeling super fit. Now I feel like a total clutz…it’s as if everything I know about working out has literally dropped out of my sleep-deprived brain.

I used to sing in a band, and haven’t done since I was pregnant. I miss it terribly and keep saying that I must get back to it. But a lack of confidence has held me back from doing something I LOVE. I used to feel confident that I was valuable and did a good job at work, and now I question my abilities constantly.

If we could tackle this epidemic of a loss of confidence in mums, I’m convinced we would all find it easier to make ourselves a priority. After all, if we’re not firing on all cylinders, the entire household suffers.

I reckon if we could all find the strength to talk to other mums about these unsaid things and admit how we feel about the magnitude of the task of being a parent, the areas of our lives we wish were better might just start to fall into place. Who better to help us than our own?

I don’t have the solution yet. I’m working on it.

But realising all of this has created quite a powerful shift in my mind and I’m writing all of this down in the hope that it might strike a chord with some of you lovely girls and empower you to take back some more control in your own lives, whether that’s getting back the confidence to work out, reassuring yourself that you are one hell of a mother, that you’re also brilliant at your other job (if you have one) or getting back to hobbies you loved before.

We are all worth it girls.

Kids make your pre-baby time management look like a joke. Fact.

We need a plan girls.

Here is a quick brain dump of things you could try that I’m doing at the moment (and I’m a work in progress as we all know) to try and get more fitness in my life.

1. Get it out the way early. It’s done. You can be smug for the entire day. If not, chances are the rest of the day will be spent making excuses as to why you “just have to get one more job done”.

2. Plan your workout ahead. Whether that’s where you’ll run/which DVD you’ll attempt/what you’ll focus on working in the gym/how far you’ll swim, planning it out helps make it more real and gives you more oomph (that’s a word, right?) to actually see it through.

3. If you’re not feeling it, fake it anyway. Motivation can be an elusive fucker at times. If it’s not there, find it somewhere within you to get a sweat on anyway. I’m pretty sure this annoying phrase is bang on: no-one has ever, ever regretted a workout. (Unless they’ve fallen off a treadmill. I’ve done it and – oh, the regret and shame.)

4. Eat. If you don’t, you’ll feel like shit and never have the energy to sweat. You won’t lose weight. You’ll end up eating 23 chicken nuggets and feeling horrific.

5. Include the kids. If you struggle to get some alone time, dedicate an hour to getting a workout done while you’re taking care of the little ones. Mine has a trampoline which gets me puffed in about 11 seconds (let’s not talk about the pelvic floor). He also likes to ‘fly’ on my legs while I do an ab session. Whatever works.

It’s not easy. But it is possible.

You can do it.

Go mama.

Once upon a time, I’d have a daily hot date with the vending machine on the second floor.

The Twirl and the Twix were my nemeses.

I held a genuine belief that in some significant way they helped me get through the afternoons at work.

I’d read yet another idealistic ‘All I want to eat is food that nourishes my body’ article.

I just refused to believe the day would ever come when I didn’t want to stuff my face with a whole box of Miniature Heroes.

Another article with an interview with a glowing, slimmed-down goddess. ‘Now I’ve started eating right and I’m much fitter, I just don’t fancy any junk any more.’

Right. You’re either deluded, insane or just plain saying bullshit things you think you should be saying.

Then a huge incentive presented itself in my life. The Wedding Dress.

Getting engaged was the catalyst for one of the biggest shifts in my life so far.

I had more motivation than ever to reign in the chocaholic behaviour and get involved with a new way of eating and exercising.

I joined a brilliant gym, made some pretty drastic changes to meal choices and portion sizes and pretty fast there was less of my legs, hips and arse to pinch when I was laying down. (Might sound weird…but this was one of my ‘is this actually working?’ barometers.)

I can’t remember exactly when things started to change, but it actually happened.

The thing I’d thought was completely fabricated by fit and healthy lunatics.

I genuinely didn’t fancy any rubbish.

My taste buds underwent a personality transplant.

I craved mental things like avocado, broccoli and brown rice.  I began to resent eating out in restaurants that served what had begun to feel like junk.

I loved how I felt. I loved waking up earlier and feeling more energetic. I loved being able to accomplish more every single day. I loved feeling better about my (still much to be improved) body and how it looked in clothes. I still sucked my tummy in 24/7, but I was a work in progress.

It was unbelievable to me that this had happened, when I’d been a committed daily chocolate consumer for pretty much my entire life.

But girls, it was real. And it was good.

If you’re a cynic about all this, I’d recommend giving it a bash.

It feels like an un-achievable thing, I know. I felt that too.

But if you wish you could effortlessly replace that afternoon/evening/breakfast chocolate fix with a handful of nuts (don’t worry….I thought that was about as likely as my sleep thief baby sleeping through the night at one time) then you owe it to yourself to at least try.

After a few weeks…maybe a little longer…of sticking to a regular fitness regime and better eating, you will notice a big difference in what you want to eat. Your body begins to communicate with you by telling you that you fancy foods that will nourish it.

I still enjoy the odd bit of chocolate. But when I say odd, I mean that it’s almost August and there are still Easter eggs in the cupboard.

It just doesn’t taste like it used to.

Funny how that works……

We’re Ursula and Tim Tavender. AKA Mummy and Daddy to a truly beautiful little soul – Xavier, our two year old boy.

Parenthood so far has been full of extremes.

Extreme joy, love and pride…and also extreme life adjustment, guilt and worry.

Becoming a parent has been – without question – the single best and most rewarding phase of our entire lives, but it’s also – again, without question – the toughest.

People who’ve already got kids come out with a million little gems while you’re expecting.

All well-meaning, but – let’s face it – you end up wanting to punch them in the face.

And you don’t get what they actually mean until much later…and then the penny drops.

It’s not easy to go from being the master of your day to being needed 24/7.

It’s not easy to make the identity shift from professional, high-achieving Wonder Woman who’s got her s*&t together to knackered Chief of washing up and sick/poo/toy clearance.

(Who’s also trying to work and look like she’s still got her s*&t together.)

Mumbelievable is about celebrating how utterly amazing Mums are, and about helping them to feel that way.

It’s about helping Mums to get more pieces of themselves back and feel more confident and gorgeous.

We might not be able to give you more time or fewer plates to spin, but we want to give you information about health, wellbeing, fitness and nutrition that will give you more energy, confidence and mental clarity and make parenting more enjoyable.

If you haven’t already, follow us on Facebook (@Mumbelievable) and Twitter (@mumbelievableuk) for the latest blog updates, guest posts, videos and offers.

Welcome!

Ursula and Tim

When you’ve been working out for weeks on end, going great guns with banishing the junk and sacrificing the beloved vino, you need to know it’s making a difference.

But what if it isn’t?

What if you’re nailing it, but your body isn’t responding yet?

It’s super tough to stick with it. You probably feel like you’re wasting your time.

You’re most definitely not though. And those results will come.

You need to use that frustration and find a way to channel it into extra energy you can apply when you work out.

Not easy I know, but here are a few ideas to get you back on the motivation track.

1. Talk to someone who knows you well. They might be seeing results that you’re not yet. We never see what others do, and their encouragement might be the kickstart you need. I always find that sharing frustrations opens the door to support and advice, and when you’re feeling like this that’s often just the tonic.
2. Try to be objective about other good results happening. Maybe your body hasn’t caught up yet, but your skin might have started to glow more than it used to. Perhaps you’re waking up easier and finding you have more energy in the evenings or dealing with babies disrupting your precious sleep a little better.You might have more patience and feel a little less stressed out. Your workouts might just seem a bit easier than they used to. What you’re doing is making a HUGE difference to your mind, body and soul – and to your family too so IT IS ALL WORTH IT.
3. Focus on why you’re doing this. It’s not just about your body. Ok, that’s a big part of it, but it’s not the whole story. You’re doing this to look after yourself. You’re doing this to give more of yourself for your family. You’re trying to be a better mummy and a fantastic role model for your babies. You’re a real-life super-hero. Everyone around you will benefit from your body and mind getting fitter and stronger. That’s why you’re doing this.
4. Look for simple tweaks. Could you up the ante with your training and make it more intense? Could you adjust your diet any more? The body adapts fast when we challenge it, so if you’re experiencing a plato some small changes could have a huge impact.
5. Keep your workout gear visible. It’ll act as a reminder and keep your workout at the forefront of your mind so you don’t forget to make the time in your day for it.
6. Become accountable. Share your fitness plans for the week on social media and you’ll get support and encouragement from plenty of people. You’ll also feel more committed to your workouts when others are aware of what you’re doing. A friend of mine does this brilliantly and she says it really helps her stay motivated. As a side benefit, it makes me feel jealous that she’s getting all this exercise in and incentivises me to get off my backside!
7. Think about what would motivate you if your current regime isn’t getting you excited. Change it up.
8. Treat yourself to some new workout clothes that make you feel good so you’ll want to wear them. By investing in great gear, your identity will grow as a person who exercises regularly. It’s a big part of your life and who you are.
9. Get dressed in your workout gear, even if you really can’t get motivated to exercise straight away. When you’re wearing the clothes, you’re more likely to at least get some fitness done throughout the day. If it gets to the end of the day and you get undressed without having done anything, you’ll feel awful. You should go to bed feeling amazing!

Do you have any other ideas? How do you stay motivated when it gets tough?